Oksana, Katarina, Brian, Scott, Kurt, Kristi, Rudy, Elvis. No last names are necessary (well, maybe just one -- Stojko, not Presley). Whether you want to or not, you know them intimately, because it's impossible to turn on the TV anymore and not find some sort of figure skating program where the travails of Oksana, Katarina, Brian, Scott, Kurt, Kristi, Rudy and Elvis are recounted with awe.

We know all about little Oksana the orphan, who was raised by her skating coach. And how Scott persevered despite a congenital condition that stunted his growth. And how Rudy was left in the dust by his old skating partner Kristi and how, living in a trailer park with his mother, he was so poor he couldn't afford a car or a big-name coach or new skates, but he never gave up and, sure enough, he finally won the U.S. Men's Championships in front of the home town fans despite having to skate on, like, two steak knives glued to the bottom of an old pair of Army boots.

Compared to these four-handkerchief hard-luck stories, Tonya and Nancy (who?) don't even rate a sniffle.

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