Read "The Myth of the Deadbeat Dad"
I am a 44-year-old white woman, an unsalaried, often very poor artist, who volunteers regularly at a homeless shelter. Every single evening I spend at the shelter, I am asked, in a pitying tone, by women my own age who look 65, have no front teeth, no education, no means of support and no romantic history that doesn't involve physical brutality, "Whutchoo mean, you ain't got no babies? You 40, ain't you got no grandkids?"
These are women who can provide less than nothing to their dependents; yet they consider me deviant because I wouldn't have a child without a loving, committed husband.
They mean to ask me, "How come you don't demand that the world provide for you and your babies? How come you don't just have them anyway? How come you so fancy about who you make babies with? Whatchoo think, you gonna get some man to love you? You dumb bitch, no man ever loved no woman. Men just wanna fuck, make babies and disappear, and it be up to us to make the best of it.
"Just fuck ANY nice man with a little money, who wants to help out for an hour or a week! You don't have to love him, you don't even have to like him, you just fuck him and then when you get pregnant -- 'cause birth control is un-Christian! -- you have to have your baby cause that's God's will."
(Why don't these super-Christian homeless black women with children ever consider that if they'd avoided "FORNICATION," a big sin in Christian circles, they wouldn't have the three or four illegitimate kids they now consider to be "God's will?")
I am sick to death of poor people having babies they can't afford to raise. Bodily reproduction is absolutely all that these women can imagine as an achievement. It's disgusting.
The greatest thing that could possibly happen to low-income African-American culture would be for every woman to agree that she will have her first child ONLY after she is over 25 and has a college degree, and only with a husband (her OWN, that is!) who also has achieved a college degree.
-- Frieda Marca
While it is certainly true that African-American men do not set out to be "deadbeat" dads, the result is the same -- continued poverty for both the mother and the child. As an African-American woman, raised by a single mother, it is insulting to me to basically put forth the attitude that black men "mean well," so they are not to be harshly criticized for their lack of participation. Yes, there is a lack of jobs that provide a living wage; however, to foist the blame on society for what began as a private act between a man and a woman is absurd. Moreover, what about the "serial deadbeat," the man that has several children out of wedlock, and does not support them? Are we to blame society for that too? Racism and poverty are obstacles that African-Americans face daily, but that does not excuse anyone from acting responsibly. No matter how Ms. Hamer likes to prance around it, there are many deadbeat dads in the African-American community.
-- Angela Pi'on
This was an interesting look at the plight of the poor within the context of familial relationships. It is good that someone has attempted to learn the story from the "other side."
One thing that struck me, however, were the appalling statistics regarding out-of-wedlock/single parent households among poor blacks.
The problem with the "deadbeat" dad isn't so much lack of financial support, but the lack of discipline of the children and the failure of each generation to learn from the mistakes of the previous ones -- to wit: Having children when you can't afford one, never mind two or more.
Also ignored is the simple fact that these numbers show that birth-control is not being used much, if at all, despite the fact that it is often free, and always readily available. One child might be an accident, but more than one suggests irresponsibility, not just on the part of the men, but on the women, too who, ultimately, have the ability to prevent pregnancy. One must wonder whether they actually want to prevent pregnancy and, if not, why?
Unless this trend is curbed, the problem of poverty will continue ad infinitum. That, in the end, is the real story.
-- Todd Sanders
Yawn. Why is everything made so complicated? It's really simple regardless of the gender: 1) Don't have unprotected sex if you don't want to raise children; 2) When you make a baby you are not an organ donor -- you become responsible for raising the child you create; 3) If you don't want to raise children, that's perfectly acceptable -- just don't make any; 4) Rights are balanced by responsibility -- if you want to exercise your right to procreate, then you are responsible for the person you created; and last but not least, if you don't take responsibility for your children and don't provide for them you are a deadbeat.
-- Zelda
Oh, what bollocks!
Jennifer Hamer tries to claim "it's not that simple," but it IS that simple: If you bring a child into this world, and you do not have the wherewithal to support it, you have done a very irresponsible thing.
And if you are male and you do not provide as your child grows up, you are a Deadbeat Dad. The fact that you might visit and play with your child doesn't change this. It's a given that you should both play with your child AND support it.
And this goes whether you're black, white, or purple with orange freckles.
-- Walt Roberts
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