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[NOTE TO THE READER: Mr. Blue answers all questions about writing and romance in the Books department of TableTalk and the distillation of his advice appears here every other week.]

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Dear Mr. Blue,

I read that a person could be a good writer, a good family man/woman or the life of the party, but not all three. My fear -- being nothing more than mediocre as family man, friend and writer, while I try to excel at all three. What can I do?

Paul

Dear Paul,

Worrying about being a good writer is one good route to mediocrity, and as for being the life of the party, it isn't hard if you hang out with dull people whom you don't like. (Why would you want to star at a party with your friends?) That leaves family life to excel at, and you can do that, but it takes time. What can you do? Your best, certainly.

Dear Mr. Blue:

How can my boyfriend love me so much and then forget to call me after he promised to? I would never do that.

Stephanie

Dear Stephanie,

Is this an argument we could skip? Of course, you're right, and the guy should have called as he said he would, but why keep score? Guys are not clock-punchers at heart. We're cow-punchers, who roam the plains and eat when we're hungry and drink when we're dry and don't necessarily call when we said we would. Isn't our spontaneity what you love about us, our ability to create surprise and to invent fun and to suddenly throw ourselves at your feet?

Dear Mr. Blue,

Are writers better mated with other writers or with non-writers, and if the latter, would artists of a visual sort be better than musicians or are tactile artists best when all is said and done?

Paul

Dear Paul

I am not a breeder of writers, or of artists, but I do feel that writers mate well with musicians, and that a writer-writer relationship is to be avoided. I've met a number of writerly couples and they struck me as spooky. They seem to either loathe each other or serve as each other's flack. Can't you find a nice violist?

Dear Mr. Blue:

One: How can a person make a living, make time for writing and still have a social life? Two: I have a problem with using romantic foibles as grist for the writing mill. It seems crass to open partners to emotional public scrutiny. Even if the names are changed, the hearts remain exposed.

Ruskyle

Dear Ruskyle:

You make time by clearing out the underbrush. You eliminate the morning newspaper, and all television, and all social life that is merely pro forma and is uninspiring, and you buckle down. As for exploiting one's romantic life, Mr. Blue shares your feeling of revulsion, although he accepts that in some cases the end justifies the means.

Dear Mr. Blue:

I've read a number of biographies of writers and noticed that the happiest writers were those who had either a spouse or parents willing to support them when they were struggling to be recognized, while those who had to support themselves at the same time as they sought recognition were more likely to have lives full of crisis and misery.

Ink-Stained Wretch

Dear Wretch:

There are other writers, many others, who were supported by their parents and who failed to do much with their talent, such as it was, and were miserable, and no biographies were written about them, but never mind that. I wouldn't come to a judgment about this from biographies. And even if you did, what good will it do you? Either there is someone waiting to pay the freight for you or not.

Dear Mr. Blue:

What do you think of Dr. Johnson's assertion that "no man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money?"