How do I handle being the Antarctic stud?

Silent in Seattle

When you entertain jealousy, Silent, you are taking a 300-pound dog for a walk and there's no telling where you may wind up. But let me ask: Where were the pictures? Did you invade her privacy to find them? And after you saw them, did you ask (politely) for an explanation? If you didn't, then I'd say you're closed-minded. And it's cruel to return letters unopened. But maybe losing you is not the worst thing that ever happened to her. So there's no need to feel guilty.

Dear Mr. Blue

I work in Antarctica for six to seven months a year and I'm quite happy about my work, so this past year, I've been sending out a weekly e-mail to 10 friends describing my experiences there, but now the e-list has grown to nearly a hundred, and I'm getting interesting e-mail from women who want to meet me when I get home. I'm flattered by the attention, would certainly enjoy a woman's company, but gosh, I'm only one man! How do I tactfully handle this?

Loco on Ice

Dear Loco,

You're only one man, but what a guy. You've managed to become a distant romantic figure to scores of women simply by talking about what interests you. Enjoy your good fortune, sir. Correspond with all of the women who interest you, and be vague about when and where you might meet. That will sort itself out eventually. One woman will loom large in your imagination as you sit hunkered over your whale-oil stove. You will meet her, enjoy her company and in due course you'll be married and have three babies and live in Toronto, the northernmost civilized place in North America. I've got this one all worked out for you.

Dear Mr. Blue,

About a year ago, I split up with a woman I'd been seeing for five years who is beautiful and funny and intelligent, but we argued a lot and were unhappy around each other. We're still attracted to each other in other ways, though, and have remained good friends. And now she's moving away and I realize how much I'll miss her. She and I have both changed a bit in the past year. How do I know that I'm not making a huge mistake in letting her go?

Losing Lots

Dear Losing,

When you say that you were unhappy around each other, that sounds to me like a verdict. "Beautiful and funny and intelligent" doesn't mean much if the outcome was unhappiness. Of course her decision to leave town is painful for you; it closes a door you had left slightly ajar. But do you feel so strongly about her that you would hurl yourself at her feet and proclaim your love and promise to be a wonderful guy this time and not the son of a bitch of a year ago? It doesn't sound to me as if you do. You only sound regretful. So let her go, with tears in your eyes, and start fresh with someone else. Maybe Mr. Antarctica can help.

Dear Mr. Blue,

Are critics any use whatsoever to creative people, or are they just energy vampires and purveyors of despair and depression whose effect is to choke the creative impulse at its source and suppress artistic productivity?

Wondering

Dear Wondering,

We're all artists and we're all critics. Each of us is filled with beautiful creative impulses, and at the same time each of us comes equipped with a bullshit detector that looks at emperors and thinks, "Naked." Critics are in business to serve consumers and also to create a community of criticism that serves art and promotes its survival. This community creates something like a mainstream, which is enormously useful to artists, especially younger ones. It's a baseline, and it gives everyone something to disagree with. For the survival of literature (or film or dance or art or music), critics should be slightly biased toward young artists, slightly biased against the mastodons and emperors. But you, dear Wondering, can solve your problem with critics very simply: Stop reading.

N E X T+P A G E +| Live someplace that I hate for the sake of love?