Salon Columnists

Why does my husband keep writing short stories about having affairs with younger women with pierced tongues?

Note: Many readers have kindly informed me that Toronto, which I referred to in my previous column as the "northernmost civilized place in North America," is less northern than Calgary, Vancouver, Ottawa, Montreal, Seattle and Minneapolis, all of which are surely civilized. It was an inappropriate remark and I stand chastened and contrite, determined to make no more such foolish statements, and I apologize to the residents of all of those cities, and also St. Paul. And Anchorage. Heck, I'll even apologize to Fairbanks.

Mr. Blue

Dear Mr. Blue,

I have a problem. I can't write more than a page or two of a short story before quitting. I simply lose interest and start daydreaming about a big book deal that will certainly never come. I'm writing for myself, about things that occupy my deepest thoughts, and yet I still can't finish, or even get halfway through, a short story. Do I need Ritalin or am I just lazy?

At a Loss in San Francisco

Dear At a Loss,

A writer is a person who writes. It's as simple as that. Sometimes a writer has slack periods, but basically, writing is what defines us. If you were a basketball player and wrote to say that you are unable to keep up your interest in the game, I'd tell you to hang up your shoes. And that's exactly my advice to you. Pack it up. Find something better to do.

Dear Mr. Blue,

I've been seeing a wonderful man for two months, and things are going swimmingly, but we have one pesky issue: Sometimes I misunderstand what he says and get a little hurt and need to clarify what he means. In turn, he wonders whether he did something wrong, and overanalyzes it, which makes me feel like he is questioning my behavior. He says the more we get to know one another, the less we will have these problems, but I wonder. Are we too codependent to be together?

Addled in the PNW

Dear Addled,

You and your wonderful man have devised a game of communicating by poking each other with forks, which strikes me as not so much fun as, say, tennis or bowling or canasta would be, but perhaps it amuses you, and that's fine. It doesn't sound like a problem to me, overanalysis of each other and picking apart what was said and why -- the problem may be a lack of passion. As for codependency, hey, around here we just call it love.

Dear Mr. Blue,

I'm a technical writer, and recently I've taken a new job as an editor, which has allowed the full reality of my life to hit me: I am overwhelmed by the urge to write creatively. Should I chuck the editorial career?

Confused in Cincinnati

Dear Confused,

The urge to write creatively is an occupational hazard of editors, and you should resist it. Do your job. Too many wretched novellas about sad people sitting in the rain and remembering their dead mothers have come about because an editor succumbed to the urge to write creatively. Be an editor. If the urge doesn't go away, then write at night. If you'd rather write than go to movies or have a social life, then there's a sign that you're seriously in trouble and maybe are a writer after all.

Dear Mr. Blue,

While working in Hong Kong I met a woman from my hometown of San Francisco. At the time I was preparing to transfer to Beijing, and then the two of us fell in love. I moved to Beijing but soon decided I had to move back to Hong Kong to be with her, though I didn't like life there. She was excited about my moving back at first but then felt it was too much of a sacrifice on my part, so she broke off the relationship and I moved back to Beijing. I broke off contact with her for a while because I needed time to get over the breakup. I am still madly in love with her. Recently she told me she was going to either stay in Hong Kong or move to San Francisco. I've just discovered two very good job options in Hong Kong and San Francisco. Should I drop her an e-mail?

Lovestruck Frequent Flier

Dear Lovestruck,

This is a situation that defies sensible advice. Surely you know that the sensible thing to do, when a woman has broken off a relationship, is to put it behind you. You seem determined to pursue her. To me, an outsider, on the basis of your letter, this seems very foolish, but you're the one who is living your life in your own skin, and you say you're madly in love, and so you are probably going to do what you're going to do, and that is, to pursue her. My advice is, if you pursue her, do it lightheartedly. Beware of obsessing on her. Don't let this take over your life and make you unhappy. There is a drop-off ahead, and don't cross it.

N E X T+P A G E +| I'm too shy to suck up to editors