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DICK FOR A DAY: What Would You Do If You Had One? Edited by Fiona Giles, Villard, 304 pages, Nonfiction. what a difference a dick makes -- or so say some of the 52 female writers, poets and artists to whom Fiona Giles posed the question: "What would you do if you had one?" The responses range from erotic to insightful to humorous to just plain flaccid, bringing to mind a joke we used to tell in college. Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: THAT'S NOT FUNNY! Some of the writers here -- Kerry Greenwood, Lyn Lifshun, Lisa Hill and Ginu Kamani -- take an inventive approach to their newfound friend, creating elaborate fairy tales and fantasies in which welcoming a new member to the family is a magical act of wonder and wish-fulfillment. Jackie O. reads "The Story of O" and wonders what it would be like to have one, a professor visits the Penis Parlor for a Full Shaft Special and a journalist sends away for a PENIS® to report on life with a willie. A few more prominent (read: busy) writers, such as Terry McMillan, Germaine Greer and Sidney Biddle Barrows, simply tossed off a paragraph or two. ("If it was long enough, I would probably try to find out whether I was as good/bad a fuck as I was reputed to be," writes Greer.) Browsing through this collection, female readers can't help but imagine what they would do with their own dick for a day. You search for an account with which you can identify, making the process alternately frustrating, thought-provoking and deeply funny. Male readers will probably be surprised that none of the penile-privileged writers go on a 24-hour sexcapade. (Maybe we should wait for the sequel, "Weenie for a Week.") So you're probably wondering what these women choose to do with it. Well, they ... Pee standing up, ultimately writing one's name in the snow. Masturbate, being careful not to dirty the sheets. Find appropriate undergarments (boxers or briefs?). Make their boyfriend fellate-and-swallow. Navigate effortlessly through the male power structure. Put it in a hot-dog bun. Make the cat smell it. Go to a leather bar and find a bottom. Give a woman the ultimate sexual experience. Rape. Fuck their boyfriend's mistress. Get it caught in the zipper. Greet the dawn with relief. Feb. 14, 1997 -- Christine Muhlke Christine Muhlke is the managing editor of Paper. Bookmark: http://www.salonmagazine.com/sneaks/sneak.html