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Recently in Salon Health & Body

Urge
Three's company; so is four or five
For polyamorists, responsibility and commitment replace jealousy and distrust. As long as everyone remembers who's who.
By Jim Gerard
[07/17/99]

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A bill favored by insurance companies and managed care providers wins in the Senate.
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[07/16/99]

Column
Lift those weights!
Kegeling promises to help prevent incontinence and "enhance physical intimacy."  
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[07/16/99]

Spin doctoring
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By Susan McCarthy
[07/15/99]

Urge
Episode 2: The just-in-time orgasm
When love is your business, pleasure takes a serious toll.
By Tracy Quan
[07/15/99]

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On the planet of polyamory, eager-beavers and
boneheads mingle with truly enlightened

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By Lady Chimmerly

July 17, 1999 | "Would you like to sit in the middle?" a kindly-faced, long-haired man of about 40 whispered in my ear.

"I'm fine right here, thank you," I answered from my conveniently located aisle seat.

His friend kept leaning over to gawk at me, rubbernecking. He had a '70s swinger look if ever I saw one.

"My friend thinks you're gorgeous," said the kindly-faced guy.

I smiled and tried to focus on the opening speaker, but it was hard to pay attention due to the palpable orgy of expectations from a small percentage of the conference attendees. But what did I expect?

I have engaged in self-declared open relationships since I lost my virginity, and I am appalled at the secrets held by nuclear families and that is why I accepted this assignment: to find myself sitting in a U.C. Berkeley conference center experiencing the Loving More West Coast Conference opening ceremonies. Besides, there was only one girl there dressed sluttier than me.

Loving More is a community of relationship pioneers and explorers who practice responsible non-monogamy, which includes all forms of ethical and consensual multi-partner relating, but mostly group marriage. They are not against monogamy, exactly, but they feel our culture condones forced monogamy. They refer to our culture's tendency to go from one monogamous relationship to another as "serial monogamy."

Also Today Three's company; so is four or five For polyamorists, responsibility and commitment replace jealousy and distrust. In the polyamory village, it takes a scorecard.

"I was just wondering where you were, and then you appeared and sat next to me," the kindly-faced, quick-to-assume guy continued.

On stage, the coeditor of Loving More magazine voiced his concerns about how the press has generally misrepresented polyamory -- sometimes not honoring some members' wishes to remain anonymous.

Many people who engage in group marriages apparently must hide their arrangement for fear of losing their position or, in some states, even their children. In a recent case, a Tennessee triad lost their little girl to a judge who stated, "You can't have your cake and eat it too," a ruling handed down despite a case worker's report that the child was being raised in a healthy, nurturing atmosphere. The introductions continued with stories, politics and testimonials from the organizers. One long-time poly male tried to describe how it felt to have seven women break up with him at one time. Already I could see that my slightly libertine lifestyle could hold no candle to the sexual adventurers here.

Next, the group of 170 people in the form of singles, couples, triads, etc. were all asked to form a giant circle which didn't quite fit within the confines of the conference hall. Thus, we were all smashed together, appropriately enough. The girl dressed sluttier than me made an erotic beeline for my side, her partner saddling up beside her. They squirmed excitedly to my left while an ectomorphic triad cuddled and tickled each other to my right. I have to say that all the above-mentioned persons seemed exceedingly happy, and I found myself smiling, half-nervous and half-charmed. Then a Native American lady called "Manly-Hearted Woman" began pacing around with a huge staff making bold statements like, "I call the energies of jealousy, possessiveness and scarcity to leave this space -- NOW!"

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