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NOTE: James Carville is on vacation. His next column will appear on Monday, June 30.

The crucifixion of Hillary Rodham Clinton

if you've watched any of the NBA playoff games over the past couple of weeks, ain't no way you've missed those goofy shoe ads where a bunch of thugs try to teach Grant Hill, a notoriously nice basketball star, how to play dirty. Believe it or not, I'm getting the same treatment from the tough guys here at Salon. They think I'm getting soft in my old age. They want to see more elbows flying and more in-your-face slam-dunking. They want to see more Ragin' and less Lazin'.
So this week I will turn to a subject that is guaranteed to get me into full rant faster than any other: the near-treasonous treatment of the first lady. (Paula Jones and all the political payola going on in that case would be a close second. But you're just going to have to wait on that. Sorry, partners.)
For more than four years, Hillary Rodham Clinton, a woman second only to my dear momma in saintliness, has been subjected to the most blistering barrage of malicious, mean-spirited, partisan, personal attacks ever launched upon a resident of the White House. I've seen some ugly mud-slinging in my day. Hell, I've slung quite a bit myself. But I have never seen anything like this in all my years in hardball politics. It makes me want to toss my gumbo.
You see, I know the first lady very well -- I dare say better than any one of these reporters who feel it necessary to pop off with nasty little quips about her just to make it look like they're clever. And I'm telling you, the rap on her is just plain wrong. After reading all the crap about her, you'd be shocked if you actually spent time with her like I have. Even when the cameras are off -- especially when the cameras are off -- she is one of the sweetest and most generous women I've ever met. I'd be in meetings with her when all of us advisors were screaming and interrupting each other and making fools of ourselves. Not once did she yell. Not once did she ever insult another human being. And unlike her husband, she always found a way to get us back on track.
No wonder she's got the lowest staff turnover of anyone in Washington. She is the kind of boss everyone dreams of having. She is understanding of family needs and commitments. When the father of her press secretary was sick, the first lady called him every single day he was in the hospital. She even makes a good yenta; she's always trying to set her staffers up on dates.
It would be bad enough if reporters were the only ones who liked trashing the first lady. Unfortunately, that's peanuts compared to what she's getting from that hack prosecutor, Kenneth "I Wanna Be A" Starr. Desperate to convince all his right-wing patrons that this lame duck can still hunt, Starr's been dropping hints at every opportunity that he thinks he'll get a grand jury to indict the first lady before he flies off for sunny Malibu. It's all calculated: The darker and more ominous it looks for the first lady, the more Starr likes it.
To be sure, it doesn't take much to get a grand jury to indict someone in this country. Grand juries are the handmaidens of the prosecutors. In fact, as prosecutors themselves are fond of saying, if you've got half a wit you can get a jury to indict a ham sandwich.
But Starr's all bluff and bluster. Mark my words, he will not get an indictment of the first lady. Despite leaks that an indictment was on its way, CBS News recently discovered that Starr's federal grand jury in Washington had closed up shop without handing down an indictment of the first lady or anyone else. This was huge! After 18 months of weighing literally tons of evidence of possible wrongdoing by the Clintons, the grand jury stiffed the special prosecutor. How do we account for this? It's simple: Either the Clintons have less to answer for than a pair of ham sandwiches or Starr is even more witless than we thought.
Starr still has a grand jury at his disposal in Little Rock and there's no telling what mischief he can cook up there. But as he well knows, the Washington grand jury was his best hope for bringing down the first lady; it was the one looking into the period after the Clintons got to the White House, when any of this supposed obstruction of justice Starr's been crowing about would have taken place. Now, I suppose Starr could get a new grand jury impaneled in Washington, but after getting stiffed once, I don't see what he would hope to accomplish. If CBS News is right about what's already taken place in Washington, and I heartily believe it is, Starr is falling to earth real fast.
The only indictment we've got here is of a system that keeps writing out blank checks to a right-wing partisan like Starr for the sole purpose of harassing a president and his wife. All the documents have been handed over. All the evidence has been weighed. Even Sen. Al D'Amato, whose own investigation of Whitewater achieved absolutely nothing, and the columnist William Safire, whose been egging on the Whitewater conspiracy buffs for years, have said it's time for Starr to shit or get off the pot. I say, it's time we owned up to the fact that instead of spending $40 million on this witch hunt, we should have built a big marble monument to Hillary Clinton.
June 2, 1997
Who is wrong about a Hillary Clinton indictment -- James Carville or Kenneth Starr? Join the ongoing "Clinton deathwatch" debate in Table Talk.