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_______________ FEAR OF FLYING WITH CHILDREN BY CHITRA DIVAKARUNI (01/15/98)
So poor little Chitra Divakaruni was upset because the rest of the world doesn't clasp her glass-chomping kids to their collective bosoms as tightly as she does. Three clichéd words for you, Chitra -- get over it. I love kids, but that doesn't mean I want them kicking the back of my airplane seat and wailing about Barney while I'm trying to grab what sleep I can in my overpriced, cramped seat.

What amazes me more than her plaintive wailings that we're not a "child-friendly" culture is her wanting to show her children the country of her birth. Well sure, there's nothing wrong with that. But good God, most of us remember NOTHING before age 5. Two- and 4-year olds remember three things: 1) when it's time to play; 2) when it's time to eat; and (if you're lucky) 3) when it's time to take a crap. I can almost guarantee you, Chitra, they have already forgotten the trip.

This of course brings me to something that has bugged me for years now -- the insistence of parents on dragging their diaper-clad toddlers to theme parks, sporting events, trips, movies, plays and shopping centers, thinking that the kids give a damn. They don't. They get tired, whiny, cranky, bored and sleepy. And we, the rest of the world, have to put up with the collateral damage their fussiness creates. And if we complain, we're called "child-unfriendly." Sheesh. No wins here.

My mother took me shopping once when I was 2. She didn't take me again until I was at least 5. She decided that if I couldn't behave myself, we weren't going. She also knew that before about age 5, that would be impossible. She had also heard of a novel concept called "baby sitters." In fact, most of the other mothers in the neighborhood felt the same way. I wonder when all this collective wisdom was lost?

-- Pamela Tucker
SALON | Jan. 19, 1998



R E C E N T L Y+| TRUCKIN' TO DEADLAND, INC. BY SARAH VOWELL





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