Opponent: Taco Bell

Title: "Extreme"

OPEN with shot of Taco Bell Chihuahua running over to a fire hydrant and lifting his leg.

ANNOUNCER, in tone of sneering disbelief: What's Taco Bell putting out this week?

[Cut to shot of new "Extreme Fajitas," splashed across the screen in fluorescent blue colors, accompanied by harsh sound effects.]

ANNOUNCER: Taco Bell is at it again. They say their Extreme Fajitas are the right choice for America.

[Insert grainy shot of newspaper headline.]

ANNOUNCER: The nonpartisan Veterinarian's Weekly is an authority on who's telling the truth.

And according to Veterinarian's Weekly, 70 percent of Chihuahuas fed a diet of Extreme Fajitas developed tapeworm.

Chi-Chis opposes Taco Bell and its risky, extreme taco schemes.

[Cut to images of the Statue of Liberty, rolling wheat fields, and a rippling American flag, intercut with photos of enchiladas and chimichangas.]

ANNOUNCER: Here at Chi-Chis, we share your most treasured values. We support traditional Tex-Mex meal concepts -- and we always will.

Read our lips. No new tacos.

Client: Baskin-Robbins

Opponent: Ben & Jerry's

Title: "Liberal"

ANNOUNCER: Ben and Jerry say they sell Vermont's finest ice cream, frozen yogurt and sorbet.

But what they're really selling is more of the same tired old liberal solutions.

[Still photos of Vietnam protesters, Charles Manson and the riots outside of the '68 Democratic convention are rapidly intercut with pictures of Ben and Jerry.]

ANNOUNCER: We've come a long way since then. But Ben and Jerry just don't get it. They want to return us to the failed policies of the past.

[Tight close-up of white Popsicle.]

ANNOUNCER: This is a "Peace Pop." Ben and Jerry say 1 percent of profits go to peace.

But the profits really go to organizations like the Children's Defense Fund.

What does the Children's Defense Fund stand for?

• more welfare
• more taxes
• unwed motherhood
• compassion for criminals

ANNOUNCER: The Ben & Jerry's Peace Pop. The ice-cream novelty of the corrupt liberal welfare state.

[Cut to a photo of founders Ben and Jerry, who gradually morph into Marx and Lenin.]

ANNOUNCER: Ben & Jerry's. Too liberal to swallow.

Paid for by Americans for Just Desserts.

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