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Drama Queen for a Day
Out of the mouths of babes:

+ Mardou Fox
+ Lizzie Tompkins
+ Carolyn Capps

+ Acceptance speech

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A L S O++T O D A Y

Vanity, thy name is pukestain
By Carol Snow
There's nothing like a (fleetingly) sick kid to highlight the humiliating flexibility of your maternal code.

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T A B L E++T A L K

What's the best way to raise a gracious winner/loser? Give advice in Table Talk

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R E C E N T L Y

ARCHIVES

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Mamafesto
By Camille Peri
Why it's time
for Mothers Who Think

The dilemma posed by this month's worthy Drama Queen candidates was particularly delicious, as long as you weren't one of them: What's worse -- having a girlfriend who holds your hand through your breakup and abortion and then dates your ex, or having a girlfriend who seduces your Japanese boyfriend after papering your apartment with cartoons of Asian men with small penises, or having a girlfriend who sleeps with your boyfriend and drugs you and steals your perfume? We left the choice to you, because the editors of Mothers Who Think were too busy to vote -- we've got our hands full referring incarcerated telemarketing operators to the phone numbers of our own tartish ex-friends and signing them up for multiple subscriptions to Dog World magazine.

And after you've checked out your new Queen of Poor Judgment, maybe you'll want to tell us your very own story of your worst LAME LOVER.

You know the ones we mean:

• The one who wouldn't turn the TV off for sex but graciously hit the mute.
• The self-congratulatory one who purred, "Oh, you're so multiorgasmic!" when you weren't even close yet.
• The one who offered up a miscellaneous collection of diaphragms when you forgot your own.
• The one who reminded you of a humpy miniature Poodle.

Then there are the name-forgetters, the wrong-name-callers, the fall-asleepers, the condom-refusers, the supplicants ... Well, the list could go on and on, couldn't it? And we want it to! Just be sure to unburden yourself by March 18 and give us his Social Security number so no one else will have to suffer needlessly.

Just kidding about the Social Security thing.
SALON | March 9, 1998

Drama Queen for a Day + Mardou Fox + Lizzie Tompkins + Carolyn Capps