A L S O++T O D A Y

A mom's guide to college admissions
By Teri Rosen
A mom survives college application hell

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T A B L E++T A L K

Does interracial adoption screw up the kid? Share your thoughts in Table Talk

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R E C E N T L Y

Pool of memories
By Grayson Hurst Daughters
A granddaughter reflects on the pain of getting old and missing the grandmother who didn't
(01/29/98)

Spice of Life
By Chitra Divakaruni
My fictional children
(01/28/98)

"Mama, you're Old Spice!"
By Ariel Gore
Spice Girls, aka the anti-Christ
(01/27/98)

Femmes fatales
By Margaret Talbot
Are women more violent than men?
(01/26/98)

Can this marriage be saved?
By Camille Peri and Lori Leibovich
Will Hillary Clinton stand by her man?
(01/23/98)

ARCHIVES

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Mamafesto
By Camille Peri
Why it's time
for Mothers Who Think

BY TED SUTTON | Parents of high school seniors often believe that the college application process is their last chance to exert control over their kids' lives. They are convinced that they're still the experts on what's best for Junior -- if only he'd put down his Walkman, get off the Internet and listen. "He trusted us to choose his nursery school and summer camp," they reason, "so why not college?"

I have been in the college application trenches for years in my job as an educational consultant and I can tell you that for the most part, parents' instincts are dead wrong. Consider these truly horrific tales -- what I call the "Most Humiliating Situations Inflicted Upon High School Seniors by Well-Meaning but Inept Parents." Names, of course, have been changed.

• Mr. and Mrs. Rosen were convinced that Samantha's chances of getting into her "reach" college would be better if she took A.P. biology. One problem: Samantha hated science. In an attempt to win her over, Sam's parents promised her the 1996 Toyota Camry that belonged to Granny (recently accepted to Sylvan Acres Nursing Home) if she took the biology class. Samantha caved. She received a C-minus, however, rather than the B or the A that she would have had in the less intensive course. Two weeks before applications were due, Samantha cut bio and took the Camry to the mall. In an attempt to get back before history, she was arrested for speeding.

• For a college essay titled "My Most Significant Experience," Sarah wanted to write about Legos -- how she loved to play with them as a child and how they influenced her decision to become an architect. But her parents thought the topic was too risky and frivolous. Instead, they talked her into writing about how she learned to "smell the roses" while planting trees in the rain forest at summer eco-camp in Costa Rica. Sarah was rejected. Maybe it was because her essay was so clichéd.

• Similarly, Sam wanted to write a college essay about watching wrestling when he was little, and how he likened it to mankind's predisposition for war. His horrified parents, intent on him getting into Georgetown, convinced him to write about his volunteer job at a soup kitchen for the homeless and how moved he was by the plight of those less fortunate. Sam too was rejected.

• Speaking of Georgetown, Andrew did get in. Early Decision! But he wanted to go to Michigan. His reasons: The parking meters were painted the school colors, blue and gold, the squirrels seemed friendly and people smiled more. His parents spoke of the prestige of Georgetown, the contacts he'd make, how much better it would look on his résumé, how he could always transfer. Andrew gave in, but even today -- at 30 -- he wishes he had held his ground and gone to the Big Ten.

• "You can't quit wrestling," Scott's parents told him. After all, he had been on the team since freshman year and that showed consistency -- colleges would infer that he was involved in extracurricular activities and disciplined. If he left the team, colleges would think he was (gasp!) a quitter. So Scott remained and his coach convinced him to switch to a lower weight class. In February, 15 pounds thinner, Scott was looking pale and his grades dropped to C's. He finally admitted that he had been spending hours in a sauna in a rubber suit, starving himself and vomiting to stay at 123. But at least he wasn't a quitter.

• Jennifer Vernon was on the waiting list at Brown. Her parents heard through a friend of a cousin's first wife's sister who taught there part-time for a semester that maybe if the Vernons made a deal with the bursar's office, Jennifer might have a better chance of getting in. So Mr. Vernon wrote a letter to the Dean of Admissions. "If Jennifer has the opportunity to be admitted, we are in the position to pay for all four years of her tuition and room and board in advance and immediately." Jennifer, upon hearing this, was horrified and went to stay at a friend's for two weeks, saying she will hold her father's letter against him for the rest of her life. The letter, it turns out, did not get her into Brown. But it did get her into therapy.

• Amanda, Rachel, Sam and Tom all had one thing in common: parents who couldn't help themselves from beefing up their progeny's college essay prose, sticking in words such as "ameliorate," "egregious" and "erudite." All of those words, perfectly nice, stood out in their essays like a sore minimus.

• Scott worked 10 hours a week at VideoWorld. He loved it. But it was a waste of time, if you asked his father, whom he lived with on alternate weeks. Better for him to devote those hours studying for the SATs and working on his homework. Scott said no way and got his mother, who had contempt for her ex's parenting skills, to back him up. It turned fairly vicious. Finally, Scott quit VideoWorld but (surprise!) he didn't use those 10 extra hours a week to make vocabulary flash cards or memorize important dates in American history. The semester turned out to be his worst and his GPA plummeted -- just in time for college applications.

Ted Sutton is an educational consultant in Cambridge, Mass.

Share your thoughts on the college admissions process in Table Talk.

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A L S O++T O D A Y
A mom's guide to college admissions By Teri Rosen
A mom survives college application hell