Mothers Who Think
MondayTuesdayWednesdayThursdayFriday

 

Salon

 

E D I T O R ' S_N O T E

Look for excerpts from Anne Lamott's new book, "Traveling Mercies," on Fridays; Word by Word, Lamott's biweekly Thursday column, will return March 4.

- - - - - - - - - -

T A B L E_T A L K

What's in a name? Readers share favorite baby names and their meanings inthe Mothers area of TableTalk

 

Search and ye shall find -- personal health,family wealth and bibliophilic happiness at
barnesandnoble.com

Search by: 

 

 

R E C E N T L Y

You're a good man, Dr. Smurf
By Martha Beck
Two Harvard degrees taught me to fixate on appearances. My son, bornwith Down's syndrome, showed me the sweet core of ordinary things
(02/16/99)

Cracks
By Anne Lamott
Despite meeting an intelligent Christian, I was not quite ready to give up a life of shame, failure, X-rated motels and Scotch just yet
(02/12/99)

A sardine's story
By Sallie Tisdale
A picture book that follows the life of a fish, all the way to her death and packaging in a can -- has some grown-ups squirming. Maybe kids need to help them face reality
(02/11/99)

The city of lost children
By Katherine Ellison
Is a Brazilian judge stealing babies for American families?
(02/10/99)

The feminist queen of the Middle East
By Geraldine Brooks
Queen Noor deserves much of the credit for Jordan's transformation from police state to cradle of political freedom
(02/09/99)

BROWSE THE MOTHERS WHO THINK FEATURE ARCHIVES

- - - - - - - - - -

Mamafesto
By Camille Peri
Why it's time
for Mothers Who Think

 

 

 

TRAUMAS IN ADOLESCENT LIFE | PAGE 1, 2
- - - - - - - - - -

I found that most stories featured one of three plots: The narrator decides that this is the year she's going to become popular; a cute boy moves to the narrator's neighborhood/joins the narrator's class/makes meaningful eye contact with the narrator at the amusement park; or early death of some sort occurs, usually by either suicide, homicide, car accident, AIDS or cancer.

Adolescence in these stories is marked by a vacillation between excruciating self-awareness and complete lack thereof ("I was feeling very depressed and I had to do some major soul-searching pronto. I checked my watch. I had 42 minutes of lunch left, plenty of time"); by the looming presence of boys ("Her name is Skye and her decision involved 11 different guys. She had to decide on her escort to the homecoming dance, and it wasn't easy"); by endless self-definition and categorization ("Shevaugn and I are the second richest teens on the block. The richest teens are Adrian and Taylor"); and by improbable coincidences:

"I don't believe it," Nick said, laughing.

"What?" Mackenzie asked, bewildered.

"You have a peanut butter and banana sandwich cut in half, pretzels, two Oreo cookies and a Hawaiian Punch juice box."

"Yeah."

"That's exactly what I always pack."

Another staple of the stories is elaborate descriptions of physical appearance: "She had wavy brown hair, green eyes, and a perfect smile. She was tall and slender. The perfect body. She wasn't too big, or too small in the northern and southern part of her body. She also had a good tan." Or: "Matt was a truly unique person. He had shiny red hair and beautiful hazel eyes."

And clothes, apparently, are just as important as hair and body: "It was a half an hour before the party ... I was going to wear my blue velvet mini-skirt with my white baby-tee, my blue vest and my hair pulled back in a little ponytail and curled. Shevaugn was wearing her purple velvet skirt that was down to her knees, her white belly blouse that tied in front, and her hair was in a low ponytail with a green fluffy elastic on it."

Of course, physical descriptions aren't always gratuitous -- sometimes they're central to the plot: "Jason's about five-six, and he has wavy blonde-brown hair down to his chin and big, dark, green eyes. It suddenly hits me like a ton of bricks. Omigosh! Jason's hotter than I thought!" (I'll end the suspense -- yes, the narrator and Jason do end up together. As she reports near the story's conclusion, "He's teaching me to play drums and he's learned to like Fiona Apple.")

The importance of appearance informs all the stories, even when a particular person's looks aren't being described.

"Is that it then? You don't like the way he looks?"

"Well," I had to choose my words carefully. "I just wouldn't want to walk around a mall with him."

This passage contains what I love most in these stories -- a kind of unapologetic honesty about what matters, even if it's not what should matter. Like Woody Allen's heart, these narrators want what they want. And they usually go after it, regardless of what's considered appropriate. As one narrator tells it, "The perfect, all-that-you-will-ever-need-in-a-man guy approached me to ask for my number in a club that I had no business being in at the age of 12. I immediately wrote it down and gave it to him."

This honesty also manifests itself in the titles of certain stories, which are so explicit they basically obviate the need to read any further: "Traumas in Adolescent Life," "Penelope Learns to Deal" and (my favorite) "The Day That My Best Friend Went Psycho and Told Everyone Everything."

If in writing workshops, the show-don't-tell approach to conveying information is something like law, the contest entries both did and didn't follow the rules. At pivotal moments in the stories, the writers are usually a little too enthusiastic, lest you as a reader should miss the importance of it all: "Jonny, I know you love me. But I'm not the same person you fell in love with two years ago. I like sports and hanging out until one o'clock in the morning. I hang out with all kinds of people. I'm not the same person. Don't you understand?"

But in describing the daily lives of teenagers (the number of stories about adults was negligible), they hit the mark exactly in both subject and diction, and they do it seemingly unconsciously:

It wasn't until after our next class, when he walked up to her and handed her a note, that my heart started beating a little too fast. Leah, Jackie and I all ran into the bathroom to read it. I almost flipped when Jackie read the words "does Melanie really like me? If she does, then ask her out for me." We all looked at each other, screamed at the top of our lungs and then burst out laughing. Later that day I had my sister call Justin and tell him my answer.

Or:

It all began when my best friend, Sophie, and I were tied for first place at the gymnastics competition. She thought she had won when she scored a 9.6 on the vault, but I scored a 9.8 on my floor routine. Things have been different between us ever since.

The writing also seems unconscious when, embedded in a paragraph about something else, the narrators reveal entire philosophies about larger issues -- age, say, or gender or family. A few examples:

  • Mom was laughing her brains out ... I turned away after a while because it started getting embarrassing. It was the kind of thing a mother shouldn't do. It was like parents having long kisses. There are some thing you should stop doing when you get old.

  • We decided that we didn't want children because they just pose a problem in a small apartment.

  • Like women, he could never stay with the same job for more than a couple months.

And what would stories by teenagers be without a little melodrama?One narrator is both vivid and succinct: "I have come to believe that I am at the armpit of despair." Other descriptions are more elaborate: "Penelope began to cry. She couldn't bear the pain of her twice-broken heart any longer. She ran out of the cafeteria, alone and sobbing. Her tears were so intense that she didn't notice her friend Angie in the doorway, who was also bawling." (Thankfully, this is Penelope of "Penelope Learns to Deal." Whether Angie learns to deal is less clear.)

The stories also demonstrate a kind of unself-aware feminism. These girls don't hesitate to ask out the boys they're interested in dating. And, while it may well be true that adolescence is the time that girls start suppressing their own needs in favor of fulfilling the needs of other people, quite a few of the narrators demonstrate not-very-well-concealed self-interest: "That summer we grew very close and became almost best friends. About a week before she had to leave, she suddenly decided that she wanted to stay up here and live with her father. I was thrilled at the idea, trying to keep my knowledge that she would make me extremely popular in the back of my head."

Yes, the narrators often berate themselves for being somehow inadequate -- frequently, it's in comparison to their sisters or best friends -- but when they're looking good and acting cool, they know it, and they don't hesitate to congratulate themselves. "In my violet mohair sweater and snazzy iridescent sneakers, I felt like I was riding high," says the heroine of one story. Another narrator feels so positive about herself that upon arrival at the school dance, she can't even find anyone who deserves to talk to her: "We scanned the crowd. It was mainly freshmen, and, being that we were juniors, that just wouldn't do."

Many stories were topical when it came to pop culture -- El Niño, Hanson and "Titanic" all receive mention, and one story was titled "Thank You, Leo," though it was not, to my disappointment, a paean to Leonardo DiCaprio. Technology also makes a few appearances:

"I just asked my mom what she thought about Internet relationships and she basically said it was crazy," Maggie said as she felt the hot and heavy tears trickle one by one down her cheeks.

"Oh, Maggie, every parent says that."

Maggie's skeptical mother aside, there were few stories that hinged on issues that are uniquely contemporary. The overview I got of what it was like to be 15 years old in 1998 did not lead me to believe it was much different from 1990, when I was 15, or even 1970. The same conflicts still arise, the same insecurities persist, and all you can do is put your hair in a low ponytail with a green fluffy elastic and hope for the best.

The larger lesson I took from these stories was (surprise, surprise) more about me than about the authors: I understood, suddenly, why people had always encouraged my own writing when I was a teenager, even when I was churning out angst-ridden dreck. It was, I realized -- and I say this at the risk of sounding hopelessly gooey -- because writing is a way of explaining your life to yourself, a way of making your life bearable and a way of connecting with other people. And these are all good and important things always, but they're perhaps most important when you're in, say, ninth grade. Given that, the issue of whether a story has any literary merit is pretty much irrelevant.

Then there's the fact that the mere existence of these stories, no matter what their subject matter, reveals both discipline and optimism. Discipline because it can be fun to write a few paragraphs, but a whole story is almost always work (and, therefore, even when I was laughing at and not with particular lines, I always respected the writers' efforts). Optimism because -- in light of all the stories that have already been written, and of people saying, Oprah's Book Club notwithstanding, that fiction is in general biting the dust, of thousands of other aspiring writers entering this same contest -- what else but optimism can explain the apparently unwavering belief that you have a story to tell and that you deserve a wider forum for telling it? This optimism often filtered from the act of writing the stories into the stories themselves (the notable exception, of course, being all the tales of death). Boyfriends were obtained or, at least, lessons were learned about how boyfriends being obtained isn't the most important thing after all. In all their wistful absurdity, such conclusions genuinely touched me. It would take someone more jaded than I am not to root for these characters and for the writers who invented them, girls who live in a world that is precarious but still filled with possibilities. Nothing is ever certain, of course, but as one narrator explains in what seemed to me a cleverly modern version of a very old cliché, "We hope to live happily ever after."
SALON | Feb. 17, 1999

Curtis Sittenfeld is a staff writer at Fast Company, a business magazine in Boston.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - -
R E L A T E D_.S A L O N_.S T O R IE S

The hounds of spring A stint teaching writing to high school student leaves the author wondering why girls still haven't learned how to dream.
By Sallie Tisdale
July 1, 1997


Salon | Search | Archives | Contact Us | Table Talk | Ad Info

Arts & Entertainment | Books | Comics | Life | News | People
Politics | Sex | Tech & Business | Audio
The Free Software Project | The Movie Page
Letters | Columnists | Salon Plus

Copyright © 2000 Salon.com All rights reserved.

Mothers Who ThinkMothers archiveMothers newsletterMothers Table Talk