May 24, 1999 | A self-described "cynical, stressed-out" reporter who covers the U.S. Senate writes Nothing Personal with evidence that the "more deliberative" body's seemingly endless discussion of gun control legislation definitely took its toll on the press corps.

As various white men in suits droned on about the particulars of said legislation, a Senate press gallery staffer announced over the loudspeaker that "the King of Jordan is on the Senate floor." "There was little response," says the source, "until one reporter shouted, 'Has he got a gun?'"

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Und ven ve say cook, you vill cook

Gotta love that modern German political ingenuity. Thanks to a new proposal under consideration in Berlin, it may soon be illegal for German men to kick back und relax in front of the TV while their wives do all the cooking, cleaning and shvitzing, reports the Irish Times' Berlin correspondent, Denis Staunton.

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"If both partners are working, the 50-50 principle also has to hold true over the housework," Irmingard Schewe-Gerigk, spokeswoman on women's issues for the bill-sponsoring Green party, said, flashing her ire in the paper of Eire. "A clear legal position is important because it can change attitudes among the public."

The man-prodding measure seeks to provide an alternative to the country's current family law, which states that "if the running of the household is left to one partner, this person is solely responsible for the housekeeping." On average, a third of all German Fraus do all the housework with no help from their Herrs.

But while gung-ho Green partyers predict the passing of the law -- and the spatula, and the sponge -- within a few months, others outside the party think its chances may be flatter than a German pancake. After all, they note, Chancellor Gerhard "marry 'em young, divorce 'em before they wrinkle" Schröder -- charismatic è la Clinton and now on his fourth trophy wife -- and his macho buddies in the Social Democratic party may not be too keen to clean. Ich bin a bunch of lazy bums.

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Why she won't watch as tears go by ...

"I'm doing really good. I don't want to unbalance myself." -- '60s rock 'n' roll icon Marianne Faithfull on her reasons for not tuning in to an upcoming VH1 documentary on her hard-livin', hard-lovin' past

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Paula Jones: Telepathy with a twang

You'd think she might have heeded the warning signals supersensibly emanating from now-bankrupt Dionne "Do you know the way to the Psychic Friends Network?" Warwick. But Paula Jones lives to learn her lessons the hard way.

Three months ago, the perpetually press-pummeled Clinton accuser signed a 90-day trial contract to pitch the Paula Jones Celebrity Psychic Network. But it looks like her nose for business may have been reduced along with her real schnozz. According to CNN, the PJCPN phones haven't exactly been ringing off the hook with folks looking to shell out $3.49 a minute for insight from the woman who couldn't foresee her own unhappy fate when she allegedly entered a randy politician's hotel room lo those many Arkansian moons ago.

But fear not for the high-voiced harassee. If the psychic gig disappears from her crystal ball, a music career may be in Paula's tarot cards. "She sings really well," music promoter Jack Gordon told the cable news channel. "We're looking at a country album." Be still our achy-breaky hearts ...

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And maybe The Fish were really The Byrds?

"I don't know, I took a lot of drugs back then and my memories are pretty fuzzy. Heck, maybe I got Janis mixed up with someone else!" -- Country Joe McDonald on his confusion over which Haight-Ashbury house he shared with Janis Joplin, after it was discovered that a new drug-rehab center widely reported to be Joplin's former home is actually next door to where she lived

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Am I the only one who thinks a cartoon version of Dick Morris is redundant?

He's shared his vast political knowledge with presidents and hookers, and now Dick "OK, you got me. I'm a sex addict" Morris is offering it to a superhero called Captain RibMan.

Clearly out to prove his pen is even mightier than his oft-used sword, the former advisor to President Clinton is helping cartoonists Sprengelmeyer and Davis with their online comic strip, serving as "Chief Strategist" in a Campaign 2000 story line. ("The Real Dick Morris ... Seriously!" reads the cartoon credit.)

Morris also plays himself in the strip. His character is called in to help barbecue-sauce-spurting Captain RibMan in his campaign to be elected Meatropolis' Chief Vigilante. RibMan's fate will be decided on Nov. 7, 2000. Coincidence? I think not.

"You tell me where you want to go in life, and I'll tell you how to get there, when you'll arrive and what you should wear," vows the cartoon Dick Morris. Speaking of what you should wear, who's taking bets as to how long it takes until Captain RibMan gets caught with his superpants down?
salon.com | May 24, 1999

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