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Nothing Personal
Sharon Stone tells all and then some
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By Steve Burgess

August 16, 1999 | Starting a new scientific discipline? That's easy. Say you want to turn lead into gold -- well, who's stopping you? Knock yourself out. But perhaps years of lonely, fruitless research are not enough -- maybe you also want to be taken seriously. That's different. For that, you need a good name. Lead into gold? That would be the ancient and very august-sounding science of alchemy. Personality typing through analysis of head-bumps? Not quackery, my ignorant friend -- phrenology.

Now comes perhaps the cleverest tag of all: cryptozoology. It refers to the search for new animals, animals dwelling in unexpected places, and most importantly for "X-Files" scriptwriters, "cryptids" -- legendary creatures such as the yeti. As Loren Coleman and Jerome Clark argue in their new book, "Cryptozoology A to Z," there are, obviously, undiscovered creatures on this planet. Surely the search for them is a legitimate scientific pursuit?

Surely. But before you start addressing mail to Coleman and Clark at the offices of Scientific American, check out the book's subtitle: "The Encyclopedia of Loch Monsters, Sasquatch, Chupacabras, and Other Authentic Mysteries of Nature." Or at the very least, authentic episodes of "Unsolved Mysteries."

Jerome Clark is the author of "Unexplained!" and several other books, but it's Coleman who is clearly the Loch Ness Snowman of the field. (The pecking order is established right there in the encyclopedia. Check the listings under C -- Coleman gets an entry. Clark doesn't.) "Cryptozoology A to Z" is Coleman's second book this year alone (following "The Field Guide to Bigfoot"). On the Internet, the magical land where all things are possible, the 52-year-old University of Southern Maine prof is a god. A Loren Coleman search turned up 3,780 matches. (Interested parties may want to check out cryptozoology themselves.) Coleman, who has a master's in social work and a B.A. in physical anthropology, insists that his adopted field is not just a cataloging of myths. "When the native peoples or the locals see these things, the natural process is to have mystification," he reasons. "The mythical comes from the real."

"Cryptozoology A to Z" is definitely an equal-opportunity reference book -- the authors mix accepted facts with campfire tales in one indistinguishable gumbo. Bored with the report on recent legitimate zoological discoveries in Vietnam? Skip over to the entry on Momo, the Missouri Monster.

On August 13, 1965, a similar-looking huge, dark, hairy creature attacked Christine Van Acker as she sat with her mother in their car near Monroe, Michigan. A picture of Christine's face with its highly visible black eye appeared in many newspapers around the country the next day.

This is science at its most inclusive. Damn it, if Christine's black eye is proof enough for Christine, it's proof enough for these intrepid crypto-boys. "Well," Coleman reasons, "the limitations of publishing allowed us only 200-and-some pages. Cryptozoology really deserves a 10-volume set. But you can't do that, so you work with what you've got ... That case was very deep in terms of that woman having interaction -- her mother was in the car, and tracks were found by the police, and all kinds of stuff that we can't really sketch out in a little book like that."

Throughout their encyclopedia, Coleman and Clark show a touchingly supportive nature all too rare in scientific circles. "We accentuate the positive," they cheerfully admit in the introduction. And why not? Science would be a lot more interesting without the spoilsports who insist on scientific rigor. Check out the tale of Mokele-mbembe, the lost dinosaur of central Africa:

(It) reportedly does not like hippopotamuses and will kill them on sight, but it does not eat them. Perhaps lending credence to this allegation, cryptozoologist Roy Mackal has found that hippos are curiously absent from areas where Mokele-mbembe is said to live. [Case closed!] Pascal Moteka, who lived near Lake Tele, said his people had once constructed a barrier of wooden spikes across a river to keep the giant beasts from interfering with their fishing. When Mokele-mbembe tried to break through the barrier, the assembled villagers managed to kill it with spears. [Note to self: Antonio Banderas to play head villager.] Celebrating their triumph, the people butchered and cooked the carcass, but everyone who ate the dinosaur meat died shortly afterwards. [Further note to self: think Blair Dinosaur Project. Good angle for the Spielberg pitch.]

Presumably the descendants of the dead villagers survived to provide visiting cryptozoologists with genuine dinosaur scales, cheap. In fact, the book sometimes seems to be a scientific study of tourism strategies. Towns near British Columbia's Lake Okanagan have long used the sea serpent Ogopogo as a mascot -- supposedly glimpsed by natives in the 19th century. It is now frequently glimpsed in promotional brochures throughout the B.C. interior (and of course receives respectful treatment in the book). Other Canadian lakes are understandably envious, and the predictable results are chronicled in "Cryptozoology A to Z": "Manipogo -- a name inspired by British Columbia's Ogopogo -- is the moniker given to the Lake Monster that allegedly roars and lives in Lake Manitoba." And later: "The Lake Monster of Lake Winnipegosis, Manitoba, Canada, is called Winnipogo." It's sort of like what happened after the first Baldwin brother hit it big.

Next page | Coleman defends his chops as a skeptic