Goaded by the success of "Millionaire," all of the networks are concocting quiz shows with big prizes and "accessible" questions. "Accessible" is the studio euphemism for stupid.

Thanks to Regis et al., we can now expect a revival of all the quiz shows of the '50s: "21," "The $64,000 Question," the McCarthy hearings. Of course, all questions would now be "accessible."

For example, in the '50s, HUAC's Hollywood quiz grilled John Garfield on whether he preferred Franco or Trotsky. Now HUAC would ask Keanu Reeves if he knew the location of the Spanish Civil War. Of course, Keanu still might get it wrong, and that would just make the whole thing seem cruel.

Let's have a game show that is truly accessible and completely compassionate. I happen to have invented one: "It's All Right!" is the game with only right answers. No contestant would ever be truly wrong: just "factually diverse." Objective answers will receive fabulous prizes; subjective answers will receive fabulous prizes and counseling. The perfect host for this caring format would be Oprah Winfrey, although she would have to let the contestants get a word in edgewise.

Ready to test your knowledge and psyche? Now that you know the rules ...

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